Thursday, June 11, 2015

Things in my mind

I am still wide awake at this hour. Too many things on my mind. It's all started with whose gonna babysit my daughters when i'm off to work. Yes my mom is currently taking care of them when i'm going to the office. Since we have Adele and she just so small and need lots of attention, clingy and love to be cuddle most of the time, i will get a complained from her each time i came back home. And she always remind me to find a helper which we already search for since Adele was in my womb. It's not easy to find a helper in kampung area these days. I'm lucky that my job is flexible. My manager is a cool person actually. He can tolerate with me to work from home as long as my task are all completed. Alhamdulillah i have an unfussy boss. So most of the time i will work at home so i can look after the girls at the same time. Roughly 2,3 times per week i work from home and sometimes 4 times a week depends on situation.

Then my mom suddenly mentioned to me about new nursery that just opened in town. I told her if we send the girls to nursery they will easily get sick. And i got slammed by that statement. Haih. Really, i just can't let strangers taking care of my girls. So many crazy/mental people in this world. I am a paranoid mother. I am scared. Safiyya not yet 3. She can't even speak well. Eventho my mom said she can take care of Adele until she turns 1, i am so not ready to let my girls go yet.

And i confided to my husband. He just said, "Easy, just resign. Let's packing our stuff and go back to our own house. Take care of our girls". Big part of me says "yeay!!!" But another tiny part says i love my job. I love money. Can we survive without my income? I have lots of commitment. My car, personal loan, credit card. That 3 only costs me almost 2k. I don't have any savings and i have my own interest that sometimes it's not cheap. Ya tak sedar diri i know.

And raya is coming (of course puasa dulu). Lots of money will involve. Maybe no duit raya from me this year. Sorry kids. Baju raya? Hmmm i have 2 never wear modern kurung. Maybe just buy new dresses for the girls. If lucky maybe my husband will buy new baju for us. Hehe. Or just wear back the attire from my sister' wedding.
Ah anything will do as long as 4 of us colorcoordinated. Haha.

My plan now is just work from home and taking care of the girls. Maybe show my face to the boss 1-2 times a week. And wait until final year review. At the same time i'm looking for a potential online business with my close friend. Hope these will be right on track. Or else, maybe i just quit with no further complains. Heee..

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